He is the one who takes care of me. He would always say that he is the wind beneath my wings. He is even proud of me. The artist that I am, I would have days that I just want to vanish into thin air.
One day I told him I wanted to become a hermit. Then I was encouraged by my other siblings to expand my comfort zone. My brother told me that he does not believe me anymore. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that if no one believes in me then I have to believe in myself if no one else will. And deep in my heart I know that God believes in me.
Every time he would ask me how am I doing I would always reply that I a doing good. Even when at times I am not. I do not want him to worry about me anymore. I do not want to add anymore to the chaos and confusion.
One night my face was bleeding. He called my other brother and he wanted to call the Police. He was worried that I would ruin my career.
From then on, I stopped. He has his concerns and I have my mine.
I never quarreled with him for quite a long time now. I do not see the point of talking to someone who does not understand me. I am old. And I am tired. And I am sick. And I do not want to hurt other people anymore. Especially him.
I told myself that in times when my mind is volatile, I would just pray to the Lord.
Poor brother of mine.
Hence, a tribute to my brother. Come to think of it, he is the only brother of mine who would always introduce me as his brother. Maybe, because he would trump me before saying that I am an adopted brother just because we do not look alike. He looks like Javier Bardem according to my cousin from Chicago.
He could have been an actor but he chose to be a priest which is much better for me at least. He is good with crossword puzzles, scrabble, tennis, basketball, football, volleyball, chess, and smart phone games. He has great faith in God. And his faith is astonishing.
I remember during my younger years I was hired by a company in Makati. I went to the office to report for my first day. I saw that nobody was there yet. And I felt anxiety and I turned my back and left. When I got home my brother Jay told me that the secretary of the company called and asked whatever happened to me. It was too far. It is a good company nevertheless the travel time from my residence to the office is about two hours. I decided to quit.
Life quit on me a long time ago. When I was sick at the hospital he was there. Funny thing happened I got up and I told him that I would just go out for a walk. Then he slept on the hospital bed. The nurses thought he was the patient. And every night he would commute from his university to watch over me during the nights when I was recovering.
Sometimes I am just on auto-pilot mode, letting Jesus take the wheel. To tell you the truth I would not be here now if not for him. I would not be writing if not for him. I would not have pursued a career in advertising if not for him.
If you are reading this you might want to include him in your prayers. Otherwise I would be somewhere else, in a different country and totally living in a different world.
I came back because of him, I was already offered a lucrative deal. However, I did not want to leave him. Why? I honestly do not know.
Someday we will do know. One day. The plot thickens.