Book Series: SENIOR MOMENTS ARE FOREVER

August 1, 2020

35th Moment: Cellphones, Parrots and Aliens

 

Of Cellphones: Napilitan akong pumasok sa cell phone store, lumapit sa akin ang sales attendant at sinabing marami daw silang bagong cell phones. Tanong ko kng magaling din ba tulad ng latest Iphone model. Sagot sa akin “di naman po kasing galing pero pareho naman po sila ng presyo!”
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Parrots: A female parrot who only knows one hooker’s sentence was placed in a cage with two male parrots who were trained to pray. Once the female parrot was placed inside the two male parrot’s cage she immediately twitted “hi I am a hooker parrot!” The two male parrots jumped for joy and shouted, “thank you God of parrots for answering our prayers!”
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Aliens experiment: Aliens landed in earth to conduct a research on how earthlings procreate. They abducted a couple, brought them inside their ship and asked them to demonstrate how they make babies. So, the couple did it in front of the aliens. Then one of the aliens asked, “How long can we see the baby?” The mam said, “nine months!” The aliens shouted in unison “Nine months! So why are you in a hurry?”
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Women in Art Exhibit: Heard this from two elderly ladies viewing an art exhibit. They passed a painting of Monalisa behind a glass security cover.
Lady 1 to lady 2: Besh nasira ang buhok ko sa hangin sa labas!
Lady 2 to lady 2: Hay ako Besh nabura yata lipstick ko sa kinain natin kanina.
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As things are unfolding, we are discovering dormant culture especially in agriculture. Filipinos abhor being a farmer, yet when they retire from work, or when there is a crisis they go into planting.
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Good news: pwede na daw sumakay sa eroplano at kumain sa restaurant na hindi mag selfie at ipost sa facebook.
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When I was young my favorite singer was Neil Sedaka and one of my favorite songs was his stairway to heaven. I tried once to join an amateur singing contest. Unfortunately, I failed to reach heaven.
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The 5-6 lending operation is no longer a monopoly of Indian nationals or “Bombays.” The victims are no longer small informal business operators but also low-salaried workers and employees including even public school teachers. It has now spawned into various mutations and learned by many smart Filipinos. They will apply for loans and use them as capital for 5-6 operation. In his exasperation the President even wanted to “kill” the Bombays. But this will not stop the scheme without including Filipino operators! Talking of racism!
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Ang pagkikita. Nanay: anak nakita mo ba tatay mo?
Anak: hindi ko po nakita nay.
Nanay: anong hindi mo nakita?
Anak: eh sabi po nya iyan ang sabihin ko sau pag nagtanong ka kung nakita ko sya.
Nanay: lokong tatay mo yan ha! Sige pag nakita mo sya sabihin mo sa kanya na nakita ko sya pero hindi ako nagpakita sa kanya ha! Pag di mo sinabi yan makikita mo.
Anak: opo, hindi ko po sasabihin sa tatay na nakita ko po kau pag nagkita kami, kita kita na lng po tau.
Hindi pinakita ng tatay at nanay ang mga kasamasama nila at baka mag kita kita pa sila ng anak na ayaw nilang makakita! Magulo ba? 
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Who is the sex maniac? Job applicant nagpa exam sa psychologist. Nag drawing ang psychologist ng vertical line at tinanong ang applicant anong nakikita nya. Sagot ng applicant, “sexing babae nkatayo”. Nag drawing naman ng diagonal line ang doctor at pinakita. Sagot ng applicant “Doc sexing babae nakayuko”. Pinakitaan sya ng horizontal line. Sagot applicant “Doc Sexing babae nkahiga”. Conclusion ng Psychologist “May problema ka bata, sobra libog mo!” Sagot ng applicant “libog talaga Doc ha? Ikaw nga itong lahat kalibogan ang dino-drawing eh! Ayusin mo buhay mo Doc!”
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New in night club: Sinong mka relate? Noong teenagers pa tau ay uso ang barkadahan, I also had one. One night we decided to enter a night club for experience, you know! But being first timers, we asked a friend who frequents the place for advice. He told us what to do with the ladies inside. Of course, after the fresh encounters we had our individual story to tell. One said, “muntik na akong nasampal pare, hindi marunong yong babae!”
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Sa grade 3 class:
Teacher: Sonny 4 Apples + 4 Apples equals what?
Sonny- 8 Apples Maam
Teacher: Neli 4 bananas + 4 bananas equals what?
Neli: Maam naman kung Apples lng yan ay alam ko. May favoritism yata d2.
 

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