WICKED WINKS: Why Mocha is Best Federalism Endorser

Every Saturday evening, Moscow’s M1 TV News program “The Naked Truth” starts airing the summary of the week’s news. This is the most awaited program not only in the City, but also in the whole of Russia. At the start of the news broadcast, the sullen look of its newscaster, the alluring Ms. Svetlana Pesotskaya (no offense to the Bicol word), is as ordinary as all other top anchors’ common formalistic poise. As the news unfolds, Ms. Svetlana Pesotskaya starts flickering her long blonde hair and slowly unbuttons her tight shirt and slides it into her shoulder until she reveals all her upper body skin. After which, she then gently removes her skirt, next her underskirt until nothing else is left to the audience’s imagination. All this time she maintains her poise and perfect delivery of the news although everyone admits no one cares of what she says anymore as the focus shifts to her flawless body. This program has attained the highest rating among the adult audience in the whole of Moscow and transformed the fortune of the TV station from the once obscure third-rate network into a top notch and revenue earning leader among its competition. Only about 25% of Filipinos are aware of the proposed shift to Federalism according to the latest survey conducted by the Social Weather Station (SWS), a reputable pollster. Amending the Constitution and shifting to Federalism received even less than half among the informed few. PCOO ASec Mocha Uson, the controversial die-hard defender of President Digong whose sudden rise to fame is attributed to her provocative and naughty dancing during the presidential campaign period, and with her impish nude pictures proliferating in the social media can be considered the best endorser for the lethargic federalism campaign of the government if it wants it to really “take off” just like the Moscow’s TV News Program. Like Ms. Svetlana Pesotskaya’s “The Naked Truth” TV Program, any program that Mocha Uson will host as well to promote the proposed Federalism is a sure bet if she does the same sensual and breathtaking act as Pesotskaya’s—reading the provisions of the proposed Federalism while unbuttoning and taking off her shirt and skirt, slowly one at a time. This weekly erotic performance of the supposed Russian bold newscaster has been replicated in Japan, Europe, South America and even in a US TV network—“The Naked News” in Alaska. All these type of TV programs around the globe have taken the ratings by storm. Today, these shows are becoming a cult viewing just like President Digong’s fanatics and Mocha Uson’s more than five (5) million blog followers, who all likewise, ready to defend the profanities and vulgarities of their heroes in the name of entertainment. Forget the Federalism’s message that Mocha Uson will convey— anyway, it will surely be coated by corrupt vision of the listeners, and that the only significant item and focus in the meantime, is the steamy performance of the messenger, not necessarily the contents of the message per se which will surely be lost in the translation. The compelling intent anyhow, is to add a great number of followers and grow strong popularity of the Federalism movement, never mind if they are all lowbrowed backers who will surely obey what they are told to do blindly without question. Of course, the viewers of Mocha Uson’s captivating newscast are mostly males like the macho President, whose god is more permissive and open-minded to such gender-sensitive public display of female figure, unlike the other gods of many who hold in respect the traditional femininity of the opposite sex—your sister, mother and wife. Mocha Uson will elevate the Federalism movement to another level of awareness. She will bring color to the boring visual presentation and excite the lackadaisical lecture-like approach of the framers of the proposed Constitution in the televised presentation. Mocha will let us forget the intricacies and complexities of the most important document that will shape our future; she will make it easier for us to see the Naked Truth only. Mocha is like an ice cream; it makes you forget all your worries while it melts in your tongue.